SERMONS FROM A BARSTOOL

DEAL WITH IT!

2008-11-10T14:26:00.000-08:00

LISTEN UP PEOPLE

ON TUESDAY NOVEMBER 4TH THIS COUNTRY CHOSE TO MAKE A CHANGE.

OVER THE PAST WEEK I HAVE HEARD VARIOUS REACTIONS RANGING FROM WE SHOULD JUST HANG HIM NOW TO IT WAS THE STUPIDITY OF THE VOTERS.

I AM OF THE OPINION THAT THIS CHANGE WAS MADE FOR A REASON AND THAT REASON IS VERY SIMPLY THAT THIS IS THE WAY ITS SUPPOSED TO BE. I WILL NOT GET INTO THE REASONS FOR THIS OPINION BECAUSE QUITE HONESTLY I DONT CARE TO BE ATTACKED FOR WHAT I BELIEVE IN.WHAT I WILL SAY HOWEVER IS THAT I OBVIOUSLY AM NOT ALONE IN MY OPINION .

WAS IT THE BEST FOR OUR COUNTRY THAT REMAINS TO BE SEEN BUT IN THE MEAN TIME

DEAL WITH IT

WHAT THE FREAKIN HELL!

2008-04-01T06:33:00.000-07:00

OK OK OK

SO I HAVENT SERMONIZED IN A VERY LONG TIME AND THATS DUE TO SOME REASON THAT I HAVE NO CONCEPT AS TO WHAT IT IS.MY LATEST YET LONG OVER DUE SERMON WAS INSPIRED YESTERDAY AFTERNOON AT ABOUT 4 30 ISH PM

THE SCENE WAS BUSCH STADIUM IN ST LOUIS FOR OPENING DAY OF THE SUCKFEST THAT WILL BE THE 2008 BASEBALL SEASON.

ONCE THE MONSOON THAT WOULD EVENTUALLY FORCE POSTPONEMENT OF THE GAME WAS IN FULL MONSOON MODE I DECIDED TO PURCHASE MY SECOND BEER OF THE AFTERNOON(PLEASE NOTE AT THIS TIME IT WAS THE SECOND NOT THE FIRST)AS I WENT TO PAY FOT THE OVER PRICED PLASTIC CUP FILLED WITH BEER FROM A ALUMINUM CAN I WAS ASKED FOR ID NO BIG DEAL ONE MIGHT THINK HOWEVER UPON SEEING MY CARD THE WORKER SAID IM SORRY THIS HAS TO BE EITHER A MISSOURI STATE ID OR A DRIVERS LICENCE FROM ANY STATE.NOW NEVER MIND THAT I HAD ALREADY PURCHSED I BEER FROM A DIFFERENT BEER STAND WITHOUT BEING ASKED FOR ID.NOW ONE WOULD THINK THAT THHE GOOD FOLKS FROM THE SOUTH WOULD MUCH PREFER THAT SOMEONE WHO ISNT GETTING BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A CAR BE ALLOWED TO DRINK TO THIER LIVERS CONTENT AS OPPOSSED TO SOME ONE WHO WILL BE TAKING NOT ONLY THEIR LIVES BUT THOSE OF OTHERS IN TO THER OWN HANDS UPON DEPARTING.

I MUST SAY ITS A VERY STRANGE LAW BUT REAT EASY MY CHILDREN FOR YOU SEE THE BEER WAS PURCHASED FOR ME BY MY DRIVERS LICENCE HAVING ,CAR DRIVING , NON DRINKING BEST FRIEND

THE END

PLAYOFFS !

2007-12-02T05:07:00.000-08:00

OK MY HEAD HURTS

AS I WATCHED THE BOWL CRAP SERIES GO UP IN FLAMES IN ALMOST SADISTIC FASHION YESTERDAY AND LAST NIGHT I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT IT IS TIME FOR THE COMPUTER GEEKS WHO CAME UP WITH THIS FIASCO TO BEGIN WITH TO PUT DOWN THEIR POCKET PROTECTORS,TAKE OFF THEIR GLASSES WITH THE TAPE ACROSS THE MIDDLE AND REALIZE WHAT MUST TRULY BE DONE IN THE WORLD OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL.THAT VERY SIMPLY IS A PLAYOFF TO DETERMINE A TRUE NATIONAL CHAMPION.IT REALLY IS VERY SIMPLE AND CAN STILL INCLUDE THE CURRENT SYSTEM DESPITE MY OBVIOUS OBJECTIONS.

USING THE BCS STANDINGS GOING INTO YESTERDAYS SHIPWRECK I HAVE DEVISED A PLAN WHICH IS AS FOLLOWS

A 16 TEAM FIELD

GAMES TO BE PLAYED MID DECEMBER THRU MID JANUARY THUS NOT CAUSING MOMMY AND DADDYS MONEY TO GO TO WASTE

STARTING DECEMBER 22ND IN THIS CASE THE FIELD WOULD LOOK LIKE THIS

16 CLEMSON
AT
1 MIZZU

15 ILLINOIS (THATS RIGHT I SAID ILLINOIS)
AT
2 WEST VIRGINIA

14 TENN
AT
3 OHIO ST

AND SO FORTH AND SO ON WITH EACH LOWER SEED TRAVELING TO THE HIGHER SEEDS HOME STADIUM

ON DECEMBER 29TH USING THE SAME BRAKET FORMAT THAT THE EINSTIENS WHO CAME UP WITH MARCH MADDNESS USE THE FOUR MAJOR BOWLS WOULD HOST THE ELITE 8 SO TO SPEAK.

THIS WOULD CREATE MORE MONEY FOR THE GREEDY FOLKS BECAUSE THERE WOULD BE THE NEED FOR A FINAL FOUR NUTUERAL SITE SITIUATION THUS CREATING TWO MORE GAMES TO BE PLAYED
THE FIRST WEEK IN JANUARY CULMINATING WITH THE FINALE ON THE SECOND WEEK.

THE OTHER 3000 PLUS BOWLS THAT START SEEMINGLY ON VETERENS DAY COULD ALL HAVE THIER FUN TOO BUT IN THE END THERE WOULD BE WHAT COLLEGE FOOTBALL TRULY DESERVES AND THAT IS A TRUE NATIONAL CHAMPION

A SPECIAL SATURDAY AFTERNOON SERMON

2007-11-10T15:42:00.000-08:00

NO I HAVENT BEEN DRINKING BUT YOU BETTER BELIEVE I PLAN TO.

AS I SIT HERE PONDERING THE EVENTS OF THE DAY.I MUST SAY THIS.IF I HADENT HEARD IT I WOULDNT EVEN TRY TO BELIEVE IT.WHAT IS THIS?YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF.WELL,MY DEAR CHILDREN I GIVE YOU THIS.

ILLINOIS 28 THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS NUMER ONE OHIO STATE 21.

IN RESPONSE TO THIS JUICY LITTLE TIDBIT I OFFER THE FOLLOWING THOUGHTS.

RON ZOOK FOR GOVERNOR IF NOT PRESIDENT

ILLINOIS WILL NOT PLAY A BOWL GAME IN 2007,BECAUSE IT WILL BE ON THE FIRST DAY OF 2008.

THE FUTURE IS MUCH BRIGHTER FOR THE BOYS IN ORANGE AND BLUE THAN IT WAS AT 2 29 PM THIS AFTERNOON.THE REASON IS RECRUITING,RECRUITING,RECRUITING!

PEACE BE WITH YOU ALL

AMEN AND OSKIEWOWWOW

ON BEHALF OF PIMPS EVERYWHERE

2007-10-26T06:57:00.000-07:00

I WISH I COULD SAY I WAS DRUNK WHEN I SAW THIS ON YAHOO NEWS WED NIGHT.IT SEEMS THAT IN SOME COUNTRY ON THIS HERE PLANET PROSTITUTES HAVE DECIDED TO SEW THEIR LIPS SHUT IN PROTEST OF NOT BEING ABLE TO WORK.IT ONLY BRINGS TO MIND ONE QUESTION.

WHICH ONES ?

1 800 YOU SUCK

2007-10-07T09:02:00.000-07:00

GREETINGS FELLOW EARTHLINGS

AFTER A WEEK OF GATHERING EVIDENCE FOR MY NEXT SERMON I HAVE PREPARED A DELICIOUS ARRAY OF TOPICS TO TEMPT YOUR PALLETS FOR MINDLESS GIBBERISH.SO WITHOUT FURTHER DELAY I PROUDLY PRESENT MY RAMBLINGS FOR TODAY

RAMBLING NUMBER ONE

ITS TOO DAMN HOT SCREW GLOBAL WARMING

RAMBLING NUMBER TWO

IN REFERENCE TO THE MCDONALDS SEXUAL ASSULT CASE THE WAS WON BY THE VICTIM.I CAN SAY ONLY ONE THING

CAMERAS DONT LIE

RAMBLING NUMBER THREE

THIS IS DEDICATED TO THE INSPIRATION FOR MY TITLE TODAY

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH RATTLESNAKE SHAKE BITCHES

AS A SIDE NOTE A GIANT WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH GOES OUT TO ANY USC FANS WISCONSIN FANS AND ANY ONE ELSE WHO IS A FAN OF A TEAM WITH A WORSE RECORD THAN THE 5 AND 1 SHOWING OF THE FIGHTING ILLINI.

GOOD DAY AND PEACE BE WITH YOU

AMEN

FUCK THE METS

2007-09-28T07:22:00.000-07:00

THOSE OF YOU THAT KNOW ME ARE WELL AWARE OF MY VENEMOUS HATRED TOWARDS ANY SPORTS TEAM THAT COMES OUT OF NYC EXCEPT THE JETS CAUSE THEY SUCK.WITH THAT IN MIND I AM IN FULL SUPPORT OF THE METS NOT MAKING THE PLAYOFFS. I BELIVE THEY PLAY THE FIGHTING FISH AKA CUB KILLERS AKA MARLINS THIS WEEKEND AND NOTHING AND I DO MEAN NOTHING WOULD MAKE THE GREAT HOWENSKI HAPPIER THAN TO WAKE UP ON MONDAY AND REALIZE THAT THE METS HAD CHOKED ON THEIR BIG APPLE

REST EASY MY CHILDREN

2007-09-27T03:45:00.000-07:00

NOW BEFORE YOU GET ALL SKEERD DUE TO THE FACT THAT YOU HAVENT HEARD FROM YOUR FEARLESS LEADER IN A COUPLE OF DAYS,I HAVE HAD TO GATHER INSPIRATION FOR MY NEXT SERMON.THAT BEING SAID,I HAVE A FEW EARLY MORNING THINGS FOR YOU TO PONDER AS YOU MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH LIFE TODAY.

BARRY BONDS IS NOTHING MORE THAN A FLAMMING RECTUM.THAT HAS BEEN MY OPINION OF HIM FOR A VERY LONG TIME AND THERE IS NOTHING HE CAN DO TO EASE THAT.

TO THE CUB FANS I SAY THIS.IN CASE YOU CANT DO SIMPLE MATH,WHICH WOULD NOT SURPRISE ME IN THE LEAST,I WILL OFFER THE FOLLOWING.

AS OF RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE A 2 GAME LEAD WITH 4 GAMES TOPLAY.WHILE THIS MAY SOUND LIKE A SIMPLE CONCEPT,PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT WE ARE DEALING WITH THE CUBS.ALSO,IM NOT INTERESTED IN HEARING HOW THE CARDINALS DIDNT HELP YOU IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU ROCKET SCIENTISTS CONTROL YOUR OWN DESTINY.IF YOU CHOKE,YOU CHOKE DEAL WITH IT AFTER ALL YOU SHOULD BE USED TO IT.

GROSSMAN SITS. TWO WORDS ABOUT TIME

I BEING OF HUNGOVER MIND AND ACHING BODY DO HERE BY DECLARE

2007-09-24T05:38:00.000-07:00

JUST A FEW THOUGHTS ON THE FIASCO KNOWN AS THE BEARS LOSS LAST NIGHT

I MISS THOMAS JONES

WHY COULDNT THEY HAVE SUCKED LAST YEAR THUS GETTING AN EASY SCHEDULE THIS YEAR

SEXY REXY IS ABOUT AS SEXY AS A STREET WHORE AND MORE THAN LIKELY NOT WORTH AS MUCH.

THANK GOD FOR GOOD PAIN MEDICATION AKA CHEAP BEER

JUST A FEW RANDOM THOUGHTS

2007-09-23T15:57:00.000-07:00

ANYONE EVER NOTICE HOW MUCCH THE GUY WHO PLAYS THE FIDDLE FOR THE DAVE MATTHEWS BAND LOOKS LIKE DENNIS RODDMAN.

THE NOTRE DAME FIGHTING IRISH 0 -4
ILLINOIS FIGHTING ILLINI 3 -1 = PUNT

2007-09-23T12:43:00.000-07:00

THE CUBS AKA SERMON NUMBER 1

2007-09-23T05:11:00.000-07:00

I AM NOT A CUBS FAN BY ANY STRETCH OF THE IMGINATION,HOWEVER,I AM OF THE OPINION THAT YA GOTTA THROW A DOG A BONE EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. SHOULD THE LOVEABLE LOSERS MAKE THE PLAYOFFS I WILL SUPPORT THEM.ALSO SHOULD THEY KILL THE GOAT AND WIN IT ALL I WILL HOLD A WEENIE ROAST ON THE SHORES OF LAKE MICHIGAN FUELED BY THE SMOKE FROM THE GREAT CHICAGO FIRE OF 2007

THIS BEING SAID ONCE BASEBALL SEASON IS DONE,NO MATTER WHAT THE NORTHSIDERS DO OR DONT DO,I WILL RESUME MY PUJOLS/LARUSSA IN 08 CAMPAIGN